Forgiving My Younger Self

    Remember growing up? All the poor choices, embarrassments, fears, and mistakes? Odds are you do. Sometimes as we lie awake at night we think of our younger selves and cringe. The mind conjures up things that embarrassed us decades ago and wonders why we were ever so stupid, silly, or whatever criticism you care to level at this younger version of you. 

    What if we stopped doing that? What if we looked at our younger versions with kindness, love, and forgiveness? Would you degrade another human being like this? So why do we do it to ourselves? There is a sort of idea that occurs to me from time to time. That perhaps the past isn't gone away so much as it strings out behind us like a string of moments going back forever into infinity. If such a thing were true then our present selves might be able to help our past selves by giving them all the things we wished we have in our minds. 

    I tried this today and it made me feel much better in the present. I am not sure why and will likely never be able to know if I have had an effect on the past but it seems to be a better reaction to my cringe inducing memories than to beat up on remembered me. I just held her there as she was confused, hurt, and scared in my mind and whispered to her that she was cool and amazing and that she deserved beautiful things. That life would not always be a maelstrom of confusion and horror. She would not only survive but she would learn so much and do so many cool things and be loved by so many people. In my mind's eye my younger self smiled with tears streaming down her cheeks.   

    And as I did this, present me felt that love. That kind wonderful feeling of grace that I think we all want to experience but seldom find except in dribs and drabs in the approval of others. Young Justina grew up in some tough places with some really harsh people who criticized her endlessly. She was very lonely and quite isolated. The wonder of it all is that she grew up to be me. I have done so many things that I love and am proud of. Things that she would never have believed possible. 

    The point of all this is that as an experiment, when you remember some dumb thing you did many years ago. Try being nice to your younger self. 

    Thank you so much for reading this. I appreciate you.

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